Insights And Strategies To Enhance Your Impact, With Your Host Melinda Lee - Speak in Flow

In this episode of Speak In Flow, we delve into the art of increasing your influence, a skill that can elevate your personal and professional life. Host Melinda Lee guides us through key insights and strategies to enhance your ability to make an impact in your interactions with others. Tune in to discover how you can become a more influential communicator.

  • Welcome back to Speak In Flow, the podcast where we explore the art of effective communication and personal growth.
  • In today’s episode, we’re diving deep into the topic of increasing your influence.

Understanding Your Motivation

  • We begin by examining our own motivations when engaging in conversations. Are we seeking certainty or clarity?
  • Listening to understand our underlying intentions is the first step toward becoming a more influential communicator.

Clarity: The Key to Influence

  • Discover why seeking clarity is the linchpin of influence. It empowers us to connect with others on a profound level.
  • Learn how clarity can transform your ability to persuade and inspire those around you.

Overcoming Resistance

  • Resistance from others can be a roadblock to influence. We explore effective strategies to overcome this resistance.
  • Melinda shares valuable insights on navigating pushback and skepticism with finesse.

Mastering Difficult Conversations

  • Difficult conversations are a part of life, both personally and professionally. Seeking clarity can make these conversations more manageable.
  • Gain practical tips on how to approach challenging discussions with empathy and understanding.

Conclusion

  • Thank you for joining us on this episode of Speak In Flow, where we’ve explored the path to increasing your influence.
  • Remember, the journey to becoming a more influential communicator starts with understanding your motivations and seeking clarity in your interactions.

About Melinda:

Melinda Lee is a Presentation Skills Expert, Speaking Coach and nationally renowned Motivational Speaker. She holds an M.A. in Organizational Psychology, is an Insights Practitioner, and is a Certified Professional in Talent Development as well as Certified in Conflict Resolution. For over a decade, Melinda has researched and studied the state of “flow” and used it as a proven technique to help corporate leaders and business owners amplify their voices, access flow, and present their mission in a more powerful way to achieve results.

She has been the TEDx Berkeley Speaker Coach and worked with hundreds of executives and teams from Facebook, Google, Microsoft, Caltrans, Bay Area Rapid Transit System, and more. Currently, she lives in San Francisco, California, and is breaking the ancestral lineage of silence.

Website: https://speakinflow.com/

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/speakinflow

Instagram: https://instagram.com/speakinflow

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mpowerall

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Transcript
Melinda Lee:

This day, we're going to talk about an important

Melinda Lee:

aspect of influence. And that is deep listening. I have a

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question for you, when you are about to meet with someone

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interact or communicate with somebody, are you seeking

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certainty, or clarity. And in order to illustrate these

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concepts, I'm going to tell you a story what happened over the

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weekend, I was at a baby shower and sitting on the couch

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admiring the decorations, the balloons, the flowers, and then

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my old client who happened to be there sat on the couch next to

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me. And because we know each other very well, she starts

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talking to me about her husband and says, Melinda, you know, my

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husband has ADHD, he I not mad at him for having it, he cannot

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help but have it yet, I am so frustrated and tired, because

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he's not doing anything about it. He's not reading up on it,

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he's not learning about it to help himself. And so I'm doing

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so much I send him YouTube videos, or or give him an

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article or a book. And yet, he just doesn't do anything. And so

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it's quite frustrating for me, and I just don't know what to

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do. So I turned around and asked her, I said, What do you think

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he thinks about this? Like, when you look at him, is he happy in

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his life? And she just looked back at me with this really

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blank stare. I haven't never asked, I don't know what he

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thinks about it. I don't know if he's happy? That's a good

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question. That's a great point. And so I want to ask you, are

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you seeking certainty or clarity? In that interaction,

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she was seeking certainty, and clarifying in understanding her

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own assumptions, or forging her own assumptions. So let me

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explain a little bit more the difference between certainty and

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clarity. Certainty is when we validate our own assumptions

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with certainty is like, we want to know that we are right, or we

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want to know we're what's about to happen is what we assume

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that's about to happen. So we're constantly seeking certainty

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because our brain loves it, it helps us feel safe, it helps us

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feel like we know. And so for her, she was so certain, my

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client was so certain that she had all the solutions, she had

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all the answers. So she was trying to clarify her own

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assumptions. And so this is happening all the time. And it's

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not just her, we as people, as humans have biases. And we're

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constantly seeking certainty to clarify our own biases, you

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might see somebody walking down the street, and they're dressed

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really nicely. And you might want to assume or infer that

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this person has a nice job, they're responsible, or you're

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about to go into a meeting. And this is a high person, that's

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authority of you. And you may have had a bad interaction with

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this person of authority. And so in your mind, your brain is

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going to prepare you and assume that this might happen again,

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because it just wants to feel certain. And it wants to know

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and be prepared. If it's an unknown, it just wants to be

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prepared. And so we're boring, our brain is doing that. But

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what happens when we're constantly doing that is that we

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start to bring in our own assumptions into the reality,

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what we think is a reality. And it might not be the other

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person's reality. And it might not be with the other person

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where that person is at. And so there's a disconnect between the

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person that person reality and my reality. So we want to move

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more into clarity and seeking clarity in our own in the other

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person's world has nothing to do with us now. So we are moving

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into the other person's world and asking genuine questions,

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seeking clarity about where the other person's at, in my case

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with that my client, she couldn't ask genuine questions

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about where her husband is at today. And I'm saying today,

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because people change, I change. And so you change. And so we

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always want to see clarity of where the person is at today.

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What is motivating them today? What are they feeling today? Do

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they feel that they even have a problem to be solved? And so

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asking genuine questions, if you want to influence your team

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member, you want to ask genuine questions, what might be holding

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them back? What they might be resisting, they're playing a

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story in their head of why they're resisting or why they

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don't want to do what they do. And so it's your job to see and

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understand that story and draw it out from them. And if you've

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done it correctly, they will tell you that That means that

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you are connected to them. And that is your whole goal is to

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listen deeply without judging. And if they don't feel judged,

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if they don't feel evaluated, then they're going to tell you

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their story. And when you hear that story out, then you could

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potentially seek inconsistencies with what they're saying, or

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bring in your specific solution that is right for them in this

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moment. And that is the key. So listening deeply, without

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judgement, forging that connection, that trust and

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leveraging your own influence in that way. People don't want to

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be told what to do. You want to motivate them, because you want

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them to want to do it. And so my question to you is, are you

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seeking certainty and validating your own assumptions? validating

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that you have all the solutions? And you're right? Or are you

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seeking clarity and understanding of the other

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person's worlds? I have an activity for you a fun activity

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you can do right after this podcast, I want you to start to

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be aware of your own mindset. When it comes to these

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interactions. Are you seeking certainty and validate your

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assumptions, or clarity, there is a storytelling approach

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called character creation, and cost play. So in character

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creation, you get all these traits. And then you can create

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a story based on that trait, you can create their behaviour, you

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can create the motivation of that character. That sounds like

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clarifying our own assumptions, right? That sounds like

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certainty. And so are you doing that? Are you getting the traits

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of this person and looking at that person's trait and creating

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your own story? Or are you moving into cosplay, and cosplay

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is a method where you go into the realm of this environment,

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you don't know what is about to happen, you don't know the

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character. So want you to go even if you've known this

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person, or even if you had interactions with this person,

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constantly seek clarity, and move into the realm of cost

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play, which is really just seeking to understand the person

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today, as if you've never met them before. What is happening

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today? What are their feelings today? What are their problems

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today? They might not know what their problem is? And you by

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asking genuine questions can help them clarify this problem?

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And asking, what is the impact of the problem? Oh, it's

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impacting your relationships, it's impacting your health, they

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might see that, then only then you might offer for them to

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figure out their own solution. So what do you think might help?

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What do you think are the best next steps for you, then the

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person feels more motivated to help themselves versus coming in

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with our own assumptions of what we might think that they need.

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So moving into understanding, first seeking to understand the

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person deep listening without judgement, just accepting the

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roam the environment, the character as is, and then

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helping him or her to clarify their situation, and possibly

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their own solutions. So this is a very different way of

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listening and influencing. And when you do this, when you're

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able to listen at this level, you are increasing your your

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trust, and building that trust and that connection, forging

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meaningful relationships. And then and only then will your

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influence skyrocket. Because you're there for them. You're

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helping them see their own problem, clarifying their own

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solutions based on what they want to do. And when you can do

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that you're building their relationship, you're then

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therefore making a bigger impact in that person's life. And

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therefore impacting more people, perhaps your team impacting the

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organisation and you are seeing even more so as that powerful,

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effective leader that you are. I hope that you take these these

Melinda Lee:

tips for deep listening, forging meaningful connection and

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building trust and making a bigger influence in the world.

Melinda Lee:

And so, until next time, I'll see you on the next episode.

Melinda Lee:

Take care