Unlocking Harmony: Transforming Arguments into Solutions With Melinda Lee - Speak in Flow

Welcome to another exciting episode of Speak In Flow, the podcast where we delve into the art of communication and building meaningful connections. I’m your host, Melinda Lee, and today we have a fantastic episode lined up for you. We’ll be exploring the intricacies of identifying the underlying issues in repetitive arguments, turning conflicts into solutions, and discovering effective ways to meet the real needs of others. So grab your favorite beverage, settle in, and let’s Speak In Flow!

Segment 1: Unraveling the Underlying Issues Understanding the Patterns: We’ll discuss how to recognize repetitive arguments and identify the common patterns that underlie them. Digging Deeper: Explore techniques for peeling back the layers to uncover the root causes of disagreements. The Power of Reflection: Learn how self-reflection can be a key tool in understanding your own triggers and contributing factors to arguments.

Segment 2: Turning Arguments into Solutions Shifting Perspectives: Discover the importance of adopting a solution-oriented mindset to transform conflicts into opportunities for growth. Effective Communication Strategies: Explore communication techniques that promote understanding and collaboration, fostering an environment where resolutions can thrive. The Art of Compromise: Delve into the skill of finding middle ground, ensuring that both parties feel heard and respected.

Segment 3: Building Meaningful Relationships Empathy in Action: Understand how empathy can bridge gaps and lead to a deeper understanding of others’ perspectives and needs. Active Listening Techniques: Explore practical tips for becoming a more engaged and attentive listener, fostering stronger connections. Creating a Culture of Openness: Discuss the role of open communication in building trust and cultivating meaningful relationships.

Conclusion:

As we wrap up another insightful episode of Speak In Flow, remember that the journey towards harmonious relationships begins with understanding, empathy, and effective communication. By identifying the underlying issues in repetitive arguments, transforming conflicts into solutions, and building connections based on real needs, you’re well on your way to fostering meaningful relationships in all aspects of your life.

About Melinda:

Melinda Lee is a Presentation Skills Expert, Speaking Coach and nationally renowned Motivational Speaker. She holds an M.A. in Organizational Psychology, is an Insights Practitioner, and is a Certified Professional in Talent Development as well as Certified in Conflict Resolution. For over a decade, Melinda has researched and studied the state of “flow” and used it as a proven technique to help corporate leaders and business owners amplify their voices, access flow, and present their mission in a more powerful way to achieve results.

She has been the TEDx Berkeley Speaker Coach and worked with hundreds of executives and teams from Facebook, Google, Microsoft, Caltrans, Bay Area Rapid Transit System, and more. Currently, she lives in San Francisco, California, and is breaking the ancestral lineage of silence.

Website: https://speakinflow.com/

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mpowerall

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Transcript
Melinda Lee:

Welcome, dear listeners to speak in flow

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podcast episode. Today we're going to dive into a topic that

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I believe all of us can resonate with you. Me, I know, I

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certainly have dealt with this before, it is how to stop having

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the same argument. I know that I've been in relationships where

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we continue to talk and argue about the same issue and it

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becomes a pattern that is tiring and energy draining. And so

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we're going to dive into some clear strategies on how to

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navigate this. And so before we dive into that, let's talk about

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what is really happening. When we are in the same argument over

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and over and over again, it's because our knees are not

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getting met. And then we start to speak louder, in hopes that

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the other person really hears our need. And then the other

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person will also rebuttal and become defensive thinking that

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we are, they are trying to meet your need when they're not, and

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then you scream, and then they are start to argue and they

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start to scream or speak loudly. And then all of a sudden you

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find yourself in this argument, and nobody's listening to each

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other, nobody is hearing each other truly hearing each other.

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And then you end up wasting so much time, so much energy. And

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then what I've done in the past is that I end up avoiding the

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conversations at all. So we want to stop that today. And here are

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the four things that you need to do to stop that. The first is

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find the problem, find the issue. The second is move

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through emotion. The third is meet their needs. The fourth is

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gain commitment. The first is find the problem. You know the

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the problem and the knee, what you're talking about is not

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actually the problem, what you're arguing about is not the

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problem. It's not about oh, the tasks not being met the

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expectations, you didn't replace the toilet paper, or you didn't

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turn in the paper on time you didn't clean up the room, you

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didn't double check your work, that the issue that you're

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arguing about is actually not the issue, especially if it

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keeps coming up over and over again, and the other person is

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rippling, you're both arguing about something that is really

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not the issue. So I encourage you to dig deeper about what is

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truly the issue. To do that, you first have to go into

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understanding that's not the issue. Second, then move through

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the emotion. Ask the person how does this make you feel, the

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person's gonna say I'm frustrated, I'm disappointed,

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I'm concerned to really get curious about whatever they're

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talking about how that makes them feel. The reason why is

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because then you're opening up safety, then you're letting them

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know that I do want to hear you out, I do want to hear how this

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making you feel. And then what you're going to find out is

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there is an unmet need. So now we're in the third step of the

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process. Once you know that you want to get deep deeper that the

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problem that you're talking about is not the issue. Second,

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you understand the emotion listen for the emotion that is

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creating then go into the unmet needs. So according to Rosenberg

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and nonviolent communication, there is generally nine I'm

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going to discuss five today that is really key and prominent in

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human behaviour, I call them the ABCs and love. So when any of

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these needs are not being met, that means people are going to

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start spewing out things complaining and then you start

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arguing and being defensive. So I really want you to ask the

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person what need is not being met? Is it a the need for

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acknowledgement be the need for belonging, see, creativity?

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Safety and love. So any of these needs are not being met, you've

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really gotten like, go there. Like ask them which one of these

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needs are not being met. It can be creativity, their need for

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autonomy is being broken. That is why they're complaining. It's

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not about the actual argument or the position. They're actually

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just saying my need for autonomy is being taken away from me. My

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need of belonging is being taken away from me. So now you really

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have dug deeper into what is the true issue. Then you can gain

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commitment you can say if I help meet your need, can you help me

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mind? Game commitment together talk about how you can both meet

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each other's true deepest need is not about the position. It's

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not about the original argument. So I encourage you to go

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underneath the feelings, to find the need, and then to gain

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commitment. And those are the steps that you can take to stop

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having the same argument over and over again, you will find so

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much freedom you will find that you can speak in an authentic,

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direct way toward gaining commitment to your deepest

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needs, underneath the emotions that are happening in a way that

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are respectful to each other in a way that builds more genuine

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relationships in a way that helps make positive impact. So I

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hope you take these tips today. Until we meet again on the next

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episode I am your sister and speaking in flow. When you speak

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in flow, you open up more opportunities for ease for love

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for abundance. Until next time, take care