Welcome to another exciting episode of Speak In Flow, the podcast where we delve into the art of communication and building meaningful connections. I’m your host, Melinda Lee, and today we have a fantastic episode lined up for you. We’ll be exploring the intricacies of identifying the underlying issues in repetitive arguments, turning conflicts into solutions, and discovering effective ways to meet the real needs of others. So grab your favorite beverage, settle in, and let’s Speak In Flow!
Segment 1: Unraveling the Underlying Issues Understanding the Patterns: We’ll discuss how to recognize repetitive arguments and identify the common patterns that underlie them. Digging Deeper: Explore techniques for peeling back the layers to uncover the root causes of disagreements. The Power of Reflection: Learn how self-reflection can be a key tool in understanding your own triggers and contributing factors to arguments.
Segment 2: Turning Arguments into Solutions Shifting Perspectives: Discover the importance of adopting a solution-oriented mindset to transform conflicts into opportunities for growth. Effective Communication Strategies: Explore communication techniques that promote understanding and collaboration, fostering an environment where resolutions can thrive. The Art of Compromise: Delve into the skill of finding middle ground, ensuring that both parties feel heard and respected.
Segment 3: Building Meaningful Relationships Empathy in Action: Understand how empathy can bridge gaps and lead to a deeper understanding of others’ perspectives and needs. Active Listening Techniques: Explore practical tips for becoming a more engaged and attentive listener, fostering stronger connections. Creating a Culture of Openness: Discuss the role of open communication in building trust and cultivating meaningful relationships.
As we wrap up another insightful episode of Speak In Flow, remember that the journey towards harmonious relationships begins with understanding, empathy, and effective communication. By identifying the underlying issues in repetitive arguments, transforming conflicts into solutions, and building connections based on real needs, you’re well on your way to fostering meaningful relationships in all aspects of your life.
Melinda Lee is a Presentation Skills Expert, Speaking Coach and nationally renowned Motivational Speaker. She holds an M.A. in Organizational Psychology, is an Insights Practitioner, and is a Certified Professional in Talent Development as well as Certified in Conflict Resolution. For over a decade, Melinda has researched and studied the state of “flow” and used it as a proven technique to help corporate leaders and business owners amplify their voices, access flow, and present their mission in a more powerful way to achieve results.
She has been the TEDx Berkeley Speaker Coach and worked with hundreds of executives and teams from Facebook, Google, Microsoft, Caltrans, Bay Area Rapid Transit System, and more. Currently, she lives in San Francisco, California, and is breaking the ancestral lineage of silence.
Thanks for listening!
Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.
Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!
Subscribe to the podcast
If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.
Leave us an Apple Podcasts review
Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.
#harmoniousrelationships #understanding #empathy #effective communication. #arguments #transformingconflicts #solutions #buildingconnections based #relationships $speakinflow
Welcome, dear listeners to speak in flowMelinda Lee:
podcast episode. Today we're going to dive into a topic thatMelinda Lee:
I believe all of us can resonate with you. Me, I know, IMelinda Lee:
certainly have dealt with this before, it is how to stop havingMelinda Lee:
the same argument. I know that I've been in relationships whereMelinda Lee:
we continue to talk and argue about the same issue and itMelinda Lee:
becomes a pattern that is tiring and energy draining. And soMelinda Lee:
we're going to dive into some clear strategies on how toMelinda Lee:
navigate this. And so before we dive into that, let's talk aboutMelinda Lee:
what is really happening. When we are in the same argument overMelinda Lee:
and over and over again, it's because our knees are notMelinda Lee:
getting met. And then we start to speak louder, in hopes thatMelinda Lee:
the other person really hears our need. And then the otherMelinda Lee:
person will also rebuttal and become defensive thinking thatMelinda Lee:
we are, they are trying to meet your need when they're not, andMelinda Lee:
then you scream, and then they are start to argue and theyMelinda Lee:
start to scream or speak loudly. And then all of a sudden youMelinda Lee:
find yourself in this argument, and nobody's listening to eachMelinda Lee:
other, nobody is hearing each other truly hearing each other.Melinda Lee:
And then you end up wasting so much time, so much energy. AndMelinda Lee:
then what I've done in the past is that I end up avoiding theMelinda Lee:
conversations at all. So we want to stop that today. And here areMelinda Lee:
the four things that you need to do to stop that. The first isMelinda Lee:
find the problem, find the issue. The second is moveMelinda Lee:
through emotion. The third is meet their needs. The fourth isMelinda Lee:
gain commitment. The first is find the problem. You know theMelinda Lee:
the problem and the knee, what you're talking about is notMelinda Lee:
actually the problem, what you're arguing about is not theMelinda Lee:
problem. It's not about oh, the tasks not being met theMelinda Lee:
expectations, you didn't replace the toilet paper, or you didn'tMelinda Lee:
turn in the paper on time you didn't clean up the room, youMelinda Lee:
didn't double check your work, that the issue that you'reMelinda Lee:
arguing about is actually not the issue, especially if itMelinda Lee:
keeps coming up over and over again, and the other person isMelinda Lee:
rippling, you're both arguing about something that is reallyMelinda Lee:
not the issue. So I encourage you to dig deeper about what isMelinda Lee:
truly the issue. To do that, you first have to go intoMelinda Lee:
understanding that's not the issue. Second, then move throughMelinda Lee:
the emotion. Ask the person how does this make you feel, theMelinda Lee:
person's gonna say I'm frustrated, I'm disappointed,Melinda Lee:
I'm concerned to really get curious about whatever they'reMelinda Lee:
talking about how that makes them feel. The reason why isMelinda Lee:
because then you're opening up safety, then you're letting themMelinda Lee:
know that I do want to hear you out, I do want to hear how thisMelinda Lee:
making you feel. And then what you're going to find out isMelinda Lee:
there is an unmet need. So now we're in the third step of theMelinda Lee:
process. Once you know that you want to get deep deeper that theMelinda Lee:
problem that you're talking about is not the issue. Second,Melinda Lee:
you understand the emotion listen for the emotion that isMelinda Lee:
creating then go into the unmet needs. So according to RosenbergMelinda Lee:
and nonviolent communication, there is generally nine I'mMelinda Lee:
going to discuss five today that is really key and prominent inMelinda Lee:
human behaviour, I call them the ABCs and love. So when any ofMelinda Lee:
these needs are not being met, that means people are going toMelinda Lee:
start spewing out things complaining and then you startMelinda Lee:
arguing and being defensive. So I really want you to ask theMelinda Lee:
person what need is not being met? Is it a the need forMelinda Lee:
acknowledgement be the need for belonging, see, creativity?Melinda Lee:
Safety and love. So any of these needs are not being met, you'veMelinda Lee:
really gotten like, go there. Like ask them which one of theseMelinda Lee:
needs are not being met. It can be creativity, their need forMelinda Lee:
autonomy is being broken. That is why they're complaining. It'sMelinda Lee:
not about the actual argument or the position. They're actuallyMelinda Lee:
just saying my need for autonomy is being taken away from me. MyMelinda Lee:
need of belonging is being taken away from me. So now you reallyMelinda Lee:
have dug deeper into what is the true issue. Then you can gainMelinda Lee:
commitment you can say if I help meet your need, can you help meMelinda Lee:
mind? Game commitment together talk about how you can both meetMelinda Lee:
each other's true deepest need is not about the position. It'sMelinda Lee:
not about the original argument. So I encourage you to goMelinda Lee:
underneath the feelings, to find the need, and then to gainMelinda Lee:
commitment. And those are the steps that you can take to stopMelinda Lee:
having the same argument over and over again, you will find soMelinda Lee:
much freedom you will find that you can speak in an authentic,Melinda Lee:
direct way toward gaining commitment to your deepestMelinda Lee:
needs, underneath the emotions that are happening in a way thatMelinda Lee:
are respectful to each other in a way that builds more genuineMelinda Lee:
relationships in a way that helps make positive impact. So IMelinda Lee:
hope you take these tips today. Until we meet again on the nextMelinda Lee:
episode I am your sister and speaking in flow. When you speakMelinda Lee:
in flow, you open up more opportunities for ease for loveMelinda Lee:
for abundance. Until next time, take care