Unlocking Leadership Potential: Conscious Communication with Jason Jones - Speak in Flow

Join us for a fun and fabulous episode as we dive into the world of conscious communication coaching with the amazing Jason Jones! Discover how to enhance your communication skills, overcome internal barriers, and create a thriving, authentic workplace culture.

Episode Highlights:

1. The Evolution of Conscious Communication Coaching:

– Jason Jones takes us on his journey from business coaching to becoming a conscious communication coach.

– He shares why it’s crucial to understand and address internal barriers instead of just focusing on strategies.

2. The Role of Assumptions in Communication:

– Uncover how making assumptions about others can impact the quality of your communication.

– Jason emphasizes the power of seeing and understanding people without judgment to boost communication effectiveness.

3. Techniques for Leaders to Overcome Resistance to Change:

– Learn strategies for leaders to introduce changes smoothly and effectively.

– Jason advises involving team members early, asking open-ended questions, and creating a safe space for honest feedback.

4. The Importance of Processing and Integration:

– Understand why leaders should allow their teams to process and integrate changes to minimize resistance.

– Jason highlights the benefits of giving employees the freedom to express their feelings and thoughts openly.

5. Creating a Culture of Safety and Authenticity:

– Discover the significance of psychological safety in the workplace.

– Jason stresses that authentic communication and collaboration can transform organizational dynamics and elevate overall performance.

Tune in to this inspiring episode and take your communication skills to the next level!

Guest Bio: Jason Jones, CEC, PCC is a conscious communication coach and speaker committed to developing fractional leaders and sales teams to give up traditional sales communication and create more reliable results using adaptive conversations. He has spent the last seven years researching, developing, testing, and coaching to uncover the most effective path of personal development that will enable a person to prosper in their business without sacrificing an enriched personal life. He has spent 30 years developing his adaptive way of being, which has produced outlier results in business growth, fundraising, live events, and mass media entertainment. He has been self employed for 20 years generating demand for solutions that his buyers did not know they wanted until Jason created the awareness. His previous coaching and training company went global in two years and now serves the US, Canada, Australia, and the UK. His past ventures involved communications media and entertainment, including a number-one-rated radio morning show and a talk show on WCCO, Minneapolis, MN. Jason is certified by The Royal Roads University and the International Coaching Federation. His coaching and training programs focus on mastering adaptive conversations, strategically emphasizing emotional connection, and supporting a confident buying choice.

https://thecoachinghour.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jasonamjones/

Fun Facts:

Jason Jones hosted a number one rated radio morning show He voiced a house techno song for a popular Australian DJ Karpe DM He toured his own comedy variety show He has been self employed for 30 years

About Melinda:

Melinda Lee is a Presentation Skills Expert, Speaking Coach and nationally renowned Motivational Speaker. She holds an M.A. in Organizational Psychology, is an Insights Practitioner, and is a Certified Professional in Talent Development as well as Certified in Conflict Resolution. For over a decade, Melinda has researched and studied the state of “flow” and used it as a proven technique to help corporate leaders and business owners amplify their voices, access flow, and present their mission in a more powerful way to achieve results.

She has been the TEDx Berkeley Speaker Coach and worked with hundreds of executives and teams from Facebook, Google, Microsoft, Caltrans, Bay Area Rapid Transit System, and more. Currently, she lives in San Francisco, California, and is breaking the ancestral lineage of silence.

Website: https://speakinflow.com/

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/speakinflow

Instagram: https://instagram.com/speakinflow

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mpowerall

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Transcript
Melinda Lee:

Hello dear listeners, welcome to the speak

Melinda Lee:

in flow podcast, where we share unique experiences to help you

Melinda Lee:

unleash your leadership voice. Today, we have an amazing,

Melinda Lee:

amazing leader, Conscious Communication Coach, Jason

Melinda Lee:

Jones. Hi, Jason.

Jason Jones:

Hi, Melinda, so great to be on your podcast. I

Jason Jones:

mean, I've been looking forward to this. Me too. It's so great

Jason Jones:

to connect. Again, I've known you for quite a while you've

Jason Jones:

been a conscious communication coach for over a decade now. So

Jason Jones:

before we even dive into the meat of it, which is going to be

Jason Jones:

great all about asking the right questions to influence people.

Jason Jones:

I'm curious, how did conscious communications coach get born?

Jason Jones:

It's an amazing title. And that become a thing? Yeah, it will.

Jason Jones:

It was definitely, it was definitely an evolution because

Jason Jones:

I was my former title. I was like business coaching, and

Jason Jones:

doing business coaching. And what I discovered is that I was

Jason Jones:

doing lots and lots of strategy with people do this strategy,

Jason Jones:

try this technique, try this, this has worked, do all that.

Jason Jones:

And I found it to be I would say, oh, effective, like maybe

Jason Jones:

half of the time. And I started to look and recognise that there

Jason Jones:

were other, there were barriers for people that weren't the

Jason Jones:

strategy, it wasn't the thing to do, the barriers were more

Jason Jones:

within them. And the conscious aspect comes out. Because the

Jason Jones:

way that I focus on communication coaching is

Jason Jones:

developing someone's ability to be able to see someone else for

Jason Jones:

what is happening for someone else. Mm, which is distinct from

Jason Jones:

what is the normative behaviour, which is I project onto you what

Jason Jones:

and who I think you are, Melinda, and I make all kinds of

Jason Jones:

assumptions about how you look about how you dress about what

Jason Jones:

you say, and I treat all those assumptions, like it's the

Jason Jones:

truth. And then I talked to you that way, right. And that

Jason Jones:

produces a certain kind of experience. And most of the

Jason Jones:

time, it can be an OK, experience, it could also be a

Jason Jones:

not so good experience, because I'm not actually seeing you,

Jason Jones:

Melinda, I'm seeing all the assumptions that I have about

Jason Jones:

you. And when you're communicating in a conscious

Jason Jones:

way. That is you're putting effort into understanding who

Jason Jones:

you're speaking to, and understand where they're coming

Jason Jones:

from, in an effort to look at their reality. So you understand

Jason Jones:

the context in the world they're living in. Yeah, informs what to

Jason Jones:

say to them and informs where the conversation goes, what

Jason Jones:

there is to share. It's interesting, because like, I

Jason Jones:

mean, cuz I think all the people here the audience members were

Jason Jones:

exceptional, were great leaders. So we can go in with these

Jason Jones:

assumptions. I think, Oh, I know this person. I believe I know

Jason Jones:

this person. And you're saying that I see even if I believe

Jason Jones:

that think that they're I'm probably still going in with

Jason Jones:

assumptions. Well, we always do and and so when I'm not saying

Jason Jones:

I'm not saying for example, like that I don't operate under any

Jason Jones:

assumptions at all. I have transcended that note. That mean

Jason Jones:

there is we're human beings, right. And this is how we sort

Jason Jones:

and compartmentalise It's how our brain works. It's how we, we

Jason Jones:

have to put things in categories so that we understand it.

Jason Jones:

However, what happens, Melinda is when you put the effort into

Jason Jones:

witnessing and trying to see the person as they're showing up

Jason Jones:

without judgement, without assessment, without evaluation,

Jason Jones:

without wondering, what are they above me below me? Where are

Jason Jones:

they? Where do I fit with them? Without all setting all of that

Jason Jones:

aside? And just looking for and listening for who is it? I mean,

Jason Jones:

who can trip us up? But like, like, who? Yeah, who is it? That

Jason Jones:

is like really showing up? You're the person. And when you

Jason Jones:

put the effort into your communication that way and into

Jason Jones:

witnessing and seeing people that way? They experience you

Jason Jones:

differently, because what happens is they become seen.

Melinda Lee:

I love that because let's face it, I mean, every day

Melinda Lee:

I change every day, that person probably is changing. We every

Melinda Lee:

day is different. Every moment is different. So why not look at

Melinda Lee:

that moment as a new moment?

Jason Jones:

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You got it right on. Yeah. If we can

Jason Jones:

if we can run with this a little bit. Yeah. I'm thinking of like,

Jason Jones:

imagine this as, like, let's say, intimate partner, like your

Jason Jones:

romantic partner, spouse, partner, like the person you

Jason Jones:

live with. You're with them every day, right? Right. Now

Jason Jones:

what typically happens in a relationship like you meet

Jason Jones:

somebody new, you're really attracted to them. They're

Jason Jones:

amazing, right? And in those moments, yes, you're probably

Jason Jones:

projecting what you want them to be on them. But you're also

Jason Jones:

really paying attention. You're paying attention to like, Oh,

Jason Jones:

that's cool, or, well, I don't know, when you're avoiding. You

Jason Jones:

don't want that kind of guy, or that or I want to watch out for

Jason Jones:

this red flag, and you're really like really looking and really

Jason Jones:

listening. And then after a while, you get comfortable with

Jason Jones:

each other. And then you say, Okay, well, let's, you know,

Jason Jones:

let's be committed. And then yeah, now you're committed. So

Jason Jones:

it's like, oh, you relax a little bit. And then you've been

Jason Jones:

together for a few years. And then suddenly, they do

Jason Jones:

something. And you're like, Where'd this come from? You

Jason Jones:

don't like jam? You. But I didn't. I didn't think you'd

Jason Jones:

like trucks. Right? Because you've we stopped seeing the

Jason Jones:

other person as they have grown. And we're seeing the person that

Jason Jones:

we got the assessment of in those first times together,

Jason Jones:

totally. But all that we actually listen for, is what we

Jason Jones:

know. So then when something when you feel blindsided, when

Jason Jones:

they're different when they change, same thing in work.

Jason Jones:

Like, why is Tom why Tom act that way, Tom say that, like,

Jason Jones:

what's what, Tom, he's not being the way we expect him to be kind

Jason Jones:

of thing. And then we get what we get agitated, like, well,

Jason Jones:

what's going on, or there's a problem, there's a problem with

Jason Jones:

Tom or we got to get in the way, but it gets into we got to do

Jason Jones:

something, right. And the only thing there is to do Melinda is

Jason Jones:

to slow down and go see what's going on with Tom today. Who is

Jason Jones:

Tom today?

Melinda Lee:

a good reminder. Today, I just was agitated

Melinda Lee:

today. And you know, slow down, it's a great reminder to slow

Melinda Lee:

down and see what's happening with Tom asked the right

Melinda Lee:

questions.

Jason Jones:

Yeah, that world and get present to the world.

Melinda Lee:

So what if I'm a team leader, and I have an idea,

Melinda Lee:

and I want my team to come on board, and I present my ideas.

Melinda Lee:

And then there's resistance like, we've been in that

Melinda Lee:

situation before where they're like, hmmm, I'm not sure. I

Melinda Lee:

don't know if I want to do this, like,

Jason Jones:

sure. Well, the first thing that I would invite

Jason Jones:

that team leader to do is do not go in cold. And if they're if

Jason Jones:

you're going to be asking them to change things about what

Jason Jones:

they're going to be doing, that's going to be disruptive to

Jason Jones:

them. Because we know that any kind of change is disruptive to

Jason Jones:

people, there is no good change. Even if you throw a surprise

Jason Jones:

birthday for somebody majorly stressful. Like it is like first

Jason Jones:

terror and then happiness that it's all their friends that said

Jason Jones:

surprise, right? Because like people hate surprises, like hate

Jason Jones:

surprise, as a norm. They do they like things predictable.

Jason Jones:

And for the most part, you know, kind of generalised? So you're

Jason Jones:

you're going to set yourself up for resistance, if you go in

Jason Jones:

with you like a cold presentation, right? Right, and

Jason Jones:

say, Okay, this is what we're going to do. And let me tell you

Jason Jones:

why it's going to be great, right? Looking at their faces,

Jason Jones:

and you're going like, why aren't they smiling? They This

Jason Jones:

is really good. Let me know, let me keep talking and tell you why

Jason Jones:

this is good. And I'm really excited. It's like, Well, I'm

Jason Jones:

glad you're bought in. But I'm not feeling it over here. And

Jason Jones:

what's missing Melinda is that you're coming in with a great

Jason Jones:

idea to change the stuff that I do. But I feel invisible in that

Jason Jones:

I feel I feel unseen. All this has happened away from me. I was

Jason Jones:

not involved, or I was very minimally involved, right? And

Jason Jones:

so if you're going to come in with a change, then what would

Jason Jones:

make sense would be to send out an email and ask one or two very

Jason Jones:

open ended questions about those things, or about the aspects of

Jason Jones:

their job that are going to be affected by the change? How do

Jason Jones:

you feel about and feel is very important. How do you not think,

Jason Jones:

but feel? How do you feel about this particular workflow or this

Jason Jones:

particular process? Or, you know, what, what is this kind of

Jason Jones:

thing? This does two things. One, it gives you an idea of

Jason Jones:

like where they're at, so you know, the listening that you're

Jason Jones:

speaking into, so that you can connect with what they're

Jason Jones:

thinking as they're listening to you. The other thing it does is

Jason Jones:

it gives them an opportunity to actually process how they feel

Jason Jones:

about those things. And then like for instance, if it's

Jason Jones:

really inefficient and ineffective, and it actually

Jason Jones:

makes more work for people for an example. And this is a

Jason Jones:

streamline process. If they process that out in a note for

Jason Jones:

you. It's like, well, it's all right. But you know, it'd be

Jason Jones:

better if it was like this, or if that we didn't have to do

Jason Jones:

that or whatever. And they're being candid. If you're an

Jason Jones:

environment where people feel safe, to be candid with their

Jason Jones:

direct reports, that's something to keep in mind. There has to be

Jason Jones:

a level of safety for this kind of sharing, but even it's still

Jason Jones:

valuable to send out that questionnaire because then they

Jason Jones:

are going to have a chance to process it in their minds before

Jason Jones:

they are blindsided with it with your exciting news. Guess what

Jason Jones:

we're doing this and it's gonna be like that. And it's like

Jason Jones:

that's different and different is like really disruptive. So

Jason Jones:

they've had some time to pre process. Now they actually are

Jason Jones:

in a place that you can start engaging them with what's going

Jason Jones:

on, instead of kind of being met with maybe stony faced people or

Jason Jones:

like, Yea, or just giving you what they think they need to

Jason Jones:

give you get out of the meeting and go grumble among themselves,

Jason Jones:

about what you know what that is. Because that there's going

Jason Jones:

the resistance will not stop at the end of the meeting, even

Jason Jones:

though the train is going with that change. There will be

Jason Jones:

suffering, and there will be conflict, and there will be

Jason Jones:

issues with employees that are related to that that will show

Jason Jones:

up in different aspects of the relationship.

Melinda Lee:

And how do you Oh, so that email that initial email

Melinda Lee:

is so crucial. I think I mean, that's, I think, like you

Melinda Lee:

mentioned, maybe not all leaders will do that. And it's part

Melinda Lee:

it's, it's such a huge part. And is it do you recommend that they

Melinda Lee:

reach out to every single team member? And also, I think like

Melinda Lee:

the questions that you said, how you feel about it is like so

Melinda Lee:

important, because I think it's there's a difference between

Melinda Lee:

interrogation like, they might think they're asking me these

Melinda Lee:

questions how I frame the answer is going to be crucial. So I

Melinda Lee:

think going back to do we ask the whole team and all the team

Melinda Lee:

members? And also how do we bring safety? Because I think

Melinda Lee:

that's a huge part so that they answer in a way that's

Melinda Lee:

authentic, right? And not in a way that's contrived, because

Melinda Lee:

they think change might be happening. If I say the wrong

Melinda Lee:

answer, yes, or no,

Jason Jones:

those I mean, those are two different those are,

Jason Jones:

those are like safety is a whole nother podcast, we can we can

Jason Jones:

touch on it. But it truly is like this psychological safety.

Jason Jones:

Like none of this other stuff works unless people feel

Jason Jones:

physically and psychologically safe. We make the assumption

Jason Jones:

that like, Oh, you look safe at work looks like but that that

Jason Jones:

actually that it's a low bar, right? Because it's like, if

Jason Jones:

they're being reactive to anything that comes up that this

Jason Jones:

change can't be good, then they're not safe, there isn't a

Jason Jones:

culture of safety that's present. So first, your

Jason Jones:

question, though, is who gets it, who gets the questions, or

Jason Jones:

anybody who's being affected by the change.

Jason Jones:

Because by by actually sharing out loud how they feel about it,

Jason Jones:

allows them to release how they feel about it, which can create

Jason Jones:

an opening in them to feel differently about it, when you

Jason Jones:

actually present and process with it. Because here's

Unknown:

the big thing that's that is really missing. And so

Unknown:

much of this kind of communication, and wanting

Unknown:

people to move with a new plan is that we have to give people

Unknown:

time to integrate the change, or they're always going to be

Unknown:

pushing against all their feelings about the past, and all

Unknown:

of their all of their feelings about it that may not be

Unknown:

relevant. And they may not even want to have those feelings

Unknown:

about it. But they're going to be there. And then they're going

Unknown:

to manifest in different disruptive ways that you can't

Unknown:

put a finger on, because you won't know that was because we

Unknown:

changed this process last month. Now you're doing this, which is

Unknown:

in a different context, right? But it's like it's when the

Unknown:

integration isn't there. So everybody gets the questions

Unknown:

that are and, and the questions can be like, Hey, this is just

Unknown:

for, we just want to understand where you're at, and, and how

Unknown:

you're feeling about like how things are working to inform our

Unknown:

decisions. Well, that intent creates safety, because it's

Unknown:

saying, I want to take you into consideration and your feelings

Unknown:

and your experience in the decisions I'm making that

Unknown:

establishes a context of safety and appreciation and being seen

Unknown:

and include it even though I didn't come until ask Melinda,

Unknown:

you give me the best plan for this, you know, I didn't ask you

Unknown:

to do it. But I'm getting your input on it. And then they pre

Unknown:

process it by by sharing with you and an email would be easy

Unknown:

and efficient. And then when you come in and you present it, the

Unknown:

presentation is followed by a integral, a discussion. And the

Unknown:

discussion is for the intention of integrating what is going to

Unknown:

happen and how it's going to affect people and integrating

Unknown:

their feelings about it. Because human beings are driven by

Unknown:

feelings. We go feelings out of business will work with robots,

Unknown:

because humans are driven by feelings. So the more that

Unknown:

you're into helping people to integrate their feelings, that's

Unknown:

what the less resistance, you'll get for things that shouldn't

Unknown:

this change is not a big deal. Why are people acting like it

Unknown:

is? Well, it's because their resistance is rising because

Unknown:

they didn't have an opportunity to actually integrate the change

Unknown:

and how they felt about it and hold it and the way they

Unknown:

integrate that is by processing sharing with each other sharing

Unknown:

out loud sharing, sharing, sharing how this happens,

Unknown:

typically when it's not facilitated by leadership, is it

Unknown:

people go away from the meeting? And then they talk amongst

Unknown:

themselves?

Melinda Lee:

Right, right.

Jason Jones:

But depending on the culture and how either

Jason Jones:

healthy or toxic it is, they either commiserate, if it's a

Jason Jones:

really healthy culture, and people feel they feel safe and

Jason Jones:

happy, they generally do the integrating amongst themselves.

Jason Jones:

But you bring it into the process, then then it feels like

Jason Jones:

management. And the team is actually doing that plus, what

Jason Jones:

comes out of that integration is going to be really informative,

Jason Jones:

to the leaders of the people they're working with, they're

Jason Jones:

going to actually see what's happening within their people

Jason Jones:

that can inform their decisions about how to work with the

Jason Jones:

people, because they're getting into their worlds, because

Jason Jones:

we're, you know, talking about silos, we're all siloed in our

Jason Jones:

heads, and when leaders only talk to leaders and like, cook

Jason Jones:

up an idea, and then they roll it out, then they're going to be

Jason Jones:

coming up against resistance all the time. Right, right. I hear

Jason Jones:

from leaders, my clients, they go, Well, we've given them time

Jason Jones:

to process, we've answered all their questions, and they're

Jason Jones:

still resistant. From the leaders perspective, what does

Jason Jones:

that mean? It feels like given them time to process so they

Jason Jones:

they've given them time to discuss it in meetings over and

Jason Jones:

over several times already. And so from the leaders perspective,

Jason Jones:

leaders like, Okay, we've already talked about this went

Jason Jones:

like there was more wanting to move forward, because they feel

Jason Jones:

like the they're still the people, the members or don't

Jason Jones:

want to move forward, they're still rich. So what that tells

Jason Jones:

me Melinda, is that the processing, no one was heard in

Jason Jones:

the processing. And so here's here's a really important

Jason Jones:

distinction about human beings for leaders right now, is that

Jason Jones:

if somebody comes in and wants to be able to tell you how wrong

Jason Jones:

everything is about how things are working, and how they're

Jason Jones:

going, and how they would like it to be, they don't necessarily

Jason Jones:

for for that to be a win and for them to reintegrate into the

Jason Jones:

processes, that is the plan that everyone is working, you don't

Jason Jones:

need to agree with them or adopt all their ideas. And there is

Jason Jones:

this there is this resistance like, well, if I let them say

Jason Jones:

it, then I gotta do something about it, the doing about it, is

Jason Jones:

hearing it, understanding it and empathising, with their

Jason Jones:

experience, and letting them get it all out. This releases all

Jason Jones:

that stuff. And you know, what happens when they release all

Jason Jones:

these feelings, these thoughts and all that? You know, what

Jason Jones:

happens? The resistance, yeah.

Melinda Lee:

Right. Right. That makes sense. That makes a lot of

Melinda Lee:

sense.

Jason Jones:

It's really important to think in terms of

Jason Jones:

in terms of the resistance and allowing how, as a leader are

Jason Jones:

you allowing people to open and express and to release, so it

Jason Jones:

can be let go of so that we can then come together again, and an

Jason Jones:

idea, because a lot of this resistance that they're talking

Jason Jones:

about is unconscious resistance, there isn't like, let's Well,

Jason Jones:

what should we do now? Well, let's have a coach, let's have

Jason Jones:

somebody do a presentation, let's get a motivational

Jason Jones:

speaker. You know, it's like, those are external things. And

Jason Jones:

those are fine. I'm not saying they're bad ideas, but I'm

Jason Jones:

saying is that if you really want that resistance to release,

Jason Jones:

then the processing has to be an actual formal processing, like

Jason Jones:

kinda like a reconciliation. It is not not like one, it is a

Jason Jones:

reconciliation. You know, like, when South Africa did their

Jason Jones:

whole, they did a huge, big truth and reconciliation. And

Jason Jones:

they I mean, they're, they're trying to reconcile like major,

Jason Jones:

major trauma. I mean, that's like, that's, like gigantic

Jason Jones:

compared to what companies deal with, right. But what made it

Jason Jones:

work in that extreme of case is that people were heard and seen,

Jason Jones:

and when they're heard and seen, they can let go of whatever

Jason Jones:

petty, I don't like this, and I don't You're making me do that.

Jason Jones:

And all this kind of that gets released, they can let that go

Jason Jones:

and be content.

Melinda Lee:

I love that. And then the resistance comes down.

Jason Jones:

And then the resistance.

Melinda Lee:

Yeah, because they're just they're all the

Melinda Lee:

little petty stuff is all made up in their head because they

Melinda Lee:

haven't felt seen or hurt. Yeah, because the mind will generate

Melinda Lee:

lots of reasons. Lots of reasons why it's not going to work or

Melinda Lee:

why it's not good. Why not? Yeah, yeah.

Jason Jones:

Yeah, exactly. And stuff that isn't isn't

Jason Jones:

productive for anybody. And nobody feels better after it.

Jason Jones:

And they still feel unheard. And then they still feel like that

Jason Jones:

this plan was railroaded, right? Yeah. So the big question is,

Jason Jones:

how do we present this in a way so nobody feels like we're

Jason Jones:

railroading this plan. And you do it in such a way where it's

Jason Jones:

like you give them some time to pre process what's coming. You

Jason Jones:

don't have to tell them exactly, but you want to ask questions to

Jason Jones:

have them process around the change.

Jason Jones:

You're going to make and then you come in you present it, then

Jason Jones:

you do another round of processing real processing and

Jason Jones:

integration, which is them sharing how they've lost. I

Jason Jones:

don't like it, say more about that. Well, this, you know, and

Jason Jones:

then focus on feelings. How did that make you feel? Well, it

Jason Jones:

really makes me feel frustrated, because I've been doing it this

Jason Jones:

way. And I just get uncomfortable about change. I

Jason Jones:

got that. And then they hear themselves say that and go, Oh,

Jason Jones:

well, that's what that is. Right? And they're even

Jason Jones:

discovering is their you being heard and sharing. And the

Jason Jones:

leadership doesn't have to go, Okay, we're gonna rework this

Jason Jones:

whole thing based upon what everybody said, they're just

Jason Jones:

going, I'm hearing this, and maybe there is some things that

Jason Jones:

come out that might be good to tweak or change. But it's like,

Jason Jones:

it's bringing people together and allow raishin.

Melinda Lee:

But so going to this, okay, I'm frustrated by

Melinda Lee:

this. I'm frustrated. So they said it out loud. And sometimes

Melinda Lee:

people just stay in their frustration. Like, sometimes

Melinda Lee:

they're able to, like the resistance comes down. But

Melinda Lee:

sometimes they're just stuck.

Jason Jones:

They stay in their frustration if they're not

Jason Jones:

heard.

Melinda Lee:

Like, there's times where I'm like, I hear you, I

Melinda Lee:

hear your frustration. And then we just leave it there. Like, we

Melinda Lee:

just hey, let's just be in this frustration. We get that I get

Melinda Lee:

that. And then to transition them out of that sometimes. Even

Melinda Lee:

I have maybe more conversations. Yeah, right.

Jason Jones:

Yeah, the truth is, if you really want harmony,

Jason Jones:

you've got to do the work to have harmony,

Melinda Lee:

maybe how can we help you get out of this

Melinda Lee:

frustration? Is that good question? How can we alleviate

Melinda Lee:

some of your frustration with change, then?

Jason Jones:

Well, I would caution against so I would

Jason Jones:

caution against problem solving. Right? Because so first off

Jason Jones:

their frustration isn't a problem. So it's like exploring

Jason Jones:

the exploring the feeling like okay, so So what's happening?

Jason Jones:

When does this frustration come up? Is this something you feel

Jason Jones:

every day? Because by exploring it deeper with them and asking

Jason Jones:

more questions, rather than going directly to problem

Jason Jones:

solving, right? Because where we tend to want to go is like, Oh,

Jason Jones:

let me fix this for you, Melinda, then it's not we're not

Jason Jones:

we're not gonna fix anything for anybody. We're gonna say you're

Jason Jones:

capable of regulating and fixing yourself. So what we're going to

Jason Jones:

do is we're going to go, well, let's go deeper into this

Jason Jones:

frustration. And the point of doing that is not so you can

Jason Jones:

find out what you need to fix it, Melinda. It's so they can

Jason Jones:

hear for themselves what they're saying. And they get to it. Oh,

Jason Jones:

well, and then they can maybe get to like, well, I just like,

Jason Jones:

it just stresses me out whenever we change anything around here,

Jason Jones:

because it just it's just, it just does. Yeah, I got that.

Jason Jones:

Okay, well, what so what can you do to soothe yourself? Like what

Jason Jones:

would be a way to kind of like, ease that for yourself? How can

Jason Jones:

I support you in easing that for yourself?

Melinda Lee:

Or like, it'd be like, how many what like, when

Melinda Lee:

did that happen? When did you have when did this happen

Melinda Lee:

before? That is built up this frustration? Like talk about the

Melinda Lee:

different narratives that have created it before? Like you

Melinda Lee:

said, asking there is a part where you can ask them, Well,

Melinda Lee:

how can we how can you alleviate that, but even before that,

Melinda Lee:

there might be a lot of narratives that have created

Melinda Lee:

like hell Sure. To talk about that.

Jason Jones:

Well, and I hear where you're, I'ma hear where

Jason Jones:

you're going with that. So my only caution is this is that the

Jason Jones:

questions I hear you asking are questions that sound like you're

Jason Jones:

trying to get the root of the problem to fix. And this isn't

Jason Jones:

actually there's actually not a problem to fix here. What there

Jason Jones:

is, is a process to let them work out whatever there is, so

Jason Jones:

they arrive for themselves at what's left. Because once you

Jason Jones:

know when someone is heard, and once they like, air out all the

Jason Jones:

stuff that they feel, then usually what they're left with,

Jason Jones:

is what the irritation is, I'll give you an example a long time

Jason Jones:

ago, I used to work in the events business. And, and I was

Jason Jones:

I was a core i was an MC I was also like coordinating the

Jason Jones:

activities in the event, I was working with catering. And we

Jason Jones:

had made some kind of change and things are going really bad for

Jason Jones:

the caterer. And the guy came up and we moved to table and he was

Jason Jones:

furious. And he just lit into me about like how I was ruining

Jason Jones:

everything for him. And so at first I was like, What the heck,

Jason Jones:

like, I'm not ruining everything for you. I'm actually making

Jason Jones:

this great for you like this is kind of where I'm at, right?

Jason Jones:

Because that's what I am there to do is to make everything flow

Jason Jones:

make everything great. But in that moment, I was able to

Jason Jones:

actually distinguish and going, Oh, he's upset. We need to have

Jason Jones:

him be upset so he can actually see what he's upset about

Jason Jones:

because with the kind of unresolved frustration that

Jason Jones:

you're talking about that is of piles of frustrations, and so we

Jason Jones:

need to get the pile expressed asked to get to the bottom. So

Jason Jones:

he was like, You're this and you're that and you made this

Jason Jones:

and you and he's like totally projecting it on me. He's

Jason Jones:

blaming me. And I'm like, that's fine, you could do that. And I

Jason Jones:

stopped processing with him. And I just said, Oh, I get that. I

Jason Jones:

hear you. What else? What else is there? What else is there for

Jason Jones:

you? What else is there? And he just kept going and going and

Jason Jones:

going, you know what happened? He was up here at like, flip

Jason Jones:

out, like you wanted to hit me with a chair. And then as he

Jason Jones:

kept talking, and I kept getting it and hearing it, it was

Jason Jones:

releasing. And so it came down and down and down, down, down.

Jason Jones:

And then he was almost call. And I was like, so I so what's the

Jason Jones:

challenge? How can I help?

Jason Jones:

He's like, I don't want that table there. So where would you

Jason Jones:

like that table? I want it over there. I'm like, great. How

Jason Jones:

would that feel? That would feel awesome. I'm like, terrific. We

Jason Jones:

moved the table. He went back to work. And there was no issues

Jason Jones:

the rest of the night. Like, you know, there was no stink eye

Jason Jones:

here. You know? Yeah. So

Melinda Lee:

I love all that if I love this, this is there's so

Melinda Lee:

much value nuggets. It's priceless. Priceless. This has

Melinda Lee:

been so much fun. Just keep on going because there's so stay

Melinda Lee:

tuned next week. I know part two with Jason Jones. I think we do

Melinda Lee:

another one. But thank you so much for your valuable insight.

Melinda Lee:

It's really appreciate it's always good to connect with you.

Melinda Lee:

I

Melinda Lee:

ya know, there's so much there's so much wisdom that you've just

Melinda Lee:

shared. And I really thank you for that.

Jason Jones:

So thank you. I appreciate

Melinda Lee:

I mean, tell the listeners how they can get a

Melinda Lee:

hold of you what's new in media programmes, like how do you

Melinda Lee:

Sure? Sure, I'm easy to find. It's the name of my company is

Melinda Lee:

the coaching our what we specialise in is we specialise

Melinda Lee:

in transforming people's communication to shift away from

Melinda Lee:

positional conversations into collaborative conversations. A

Melinda Lee:

lot of what we talked about today is like in that realm of

Melinda Lee:

like collaborating with people in your communication, and doing

Melinda Lee:

that sort of thing. And the focus, our primary focus right

Melinda Lee:

now is for fractional leaders that are transitioning into

Melinda Lee:

their own consultancy, because they're like, oh my gosh, how do

Melinda Lee:

I sell myself and we really specialise in helping non sales

Melinda Lee:

people become really good at enrolling new business and

Melinda Lee:

opportunities, not using sales speak or any of that. But by

Melinda Lee:

authentically connecting and relating and being able to see

Melinda Lee:

what's going on for somebody and having that awareness. And so

Melinda Lee:

this is what we work on. And it's been doing amazing results

Melinda Lee:

for people in their business in their lives. It's been so fun.

Melinda Lee:

Yeah, yeah. Because you people see right through it if you're

Melinda Lee:

not connecting with them. Oh, yeah, that was process. Yeah. So

Melinda Lee:

you're done is done. You're toast.

Melinda Lee:

So yeah, I love what you teach. I love I mean, I've always

Melinda Lee:

learned so much from you in the past and even today, so thank

Melinda Lee:

you again, Jason. Connect with Jason on the coaching and the

Melinda Lee:

coaching our.com. We'll put his website in the show notes. So

Melinda Lee:

thanks again. I'll see you until next time.

Jason Jones:

All right. Till next time